There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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