maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
