# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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