so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
