i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
