Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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