At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
