Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
