It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
