Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
