You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
