Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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