how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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