he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
