Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
