her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
