is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
