Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
