I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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