Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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