so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
