No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
