We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
