You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
