So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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