Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
