how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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