my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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