Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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