You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
