spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
