I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
