one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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