Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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