not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
