I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
