Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
