We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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