I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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