I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
