you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
