I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
