The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
