D3 body, D1 cock
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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