So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He better not be in your backpack
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
