Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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