someone threw a dead crab at me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
