Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
