as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
