Having a random hookup so left but love u
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
