hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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