I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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