I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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