Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
