Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
