Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
