forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
