Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
